"Till Death Do Us Part"

Today marks the sixth anniversary of the taking of our marriage vows. It was just a simple ceremony, here in our cozy little home, with just our five children and hubby's pastor in attendance.

To be honest, I never would have imagined, back when I was a preteen, teenager, even in my early twenties, that I would have been divorced twice, married three times. Frankly, I often feel ashamed to admit the fact that I am in my third marriage.

After all, it says in the Bible: "It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." Matthew 5:31, 32, KJV.

Each of my marriages began with the vows, stating, "Until death do us part." But then the first two marriages ended in divorce...the death of the marriage.

Recently a couple of my online, homeschooling friends lost their husbands, suddenly, unexpectedly, to death. Now they bear the title of "widow." Now they find themselves thrust in to single-parenthood. Now they struggle each day with waking, breathing, walking without their life partner, trying to fall asleep in an empty bed.

Yes, I've felt these feelings, too. It's hard to be the only one to make the decisions for the whole family. It's hard not to have that partner to "bounce ideas off from." It is hard to breathe. It is hard to keep living, to keep hanging on to Jesus with every last ounce of energy you have. But you discover a strength you never knew was there, a strength only God can give.

In October, I sat next to my mom, held her in my arms as she wept, while we watched my dad give up on his fight to live. Yet we prayed. She prayed God would change my dad's heart, give him the strength and courage to continue fighting after all. We also prayed that God's will be done. Even though we listened to my dad say his good byes to his children and grandchildren, we clung to hope that God would heal him after all.

Today we are thanking God that He saw fit to preserve my dad's life, that He still has a work for my dad to do on this earth, that my parents' marriage of 58 years has not yet come to its end.

I've realized that there is more closure when a marriage ends in death than when it ends in divorce...but I would not wish either kind of death-to-a-marriage! Both end in unbelievably heavy hearts, heart break, and single-parenthood. Even hurt, and anger.

To close, I'd like to share a passage from God's Word: "But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, KJV.

May the Lord give you strength, peace, comfort, at this incredibly challenging time of the year for anyone who has lost a loved one during the holidays.

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Dear Future Husband of My Daughter

Perhaps you two have already met. Perhaps you two have yet to meet. There are a few things I’d like you to know about my daughter, some of which I hope you already see and know about.

My daughter has a very large, loving, forgiving heart. She is not prone to hold grudges. I hope you will always gently hold her heart in your hands, and not abuse her willingness to forgive.

One thing I am sure you already know is that she is passionate about animals, especially cats (both domestic and wild)! Perhaps you love animals/cats as much as she does; I hope so! Because I think animals, especially cats, will always be a big part of her life.

Another thing about my daughter is she has an amazing rapport with young children. They seem almost drawn to her. She seems able to put them at ease, and is quick to comfort if someone gets hurt.

One of the most amazing things about my daughter is her strength. She was only 10 ½ when she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. The need to daily take care of that has made her in to a very strong young lady.

I know there are days she wishes she could just quit: quit having to check her blood sugars every day; quit having to take insulin shots 3-5 times a day; quit having to worry about her blood sugars going too high or too low.

Quit being scared of having it go so low, that it could send her in to a diabetic coma, or of dying because it’s gone so low. Quit worrying that she could go blind, or lose a limb, or have kidney failure, because it remains too high over the long term.

I hope you have the strength to encourage her, and morally support her, on her daily journey of diabetes care. I hope you will take the time, if you haven’t already, to learn about diabetes and how to “manage” it. Learn the signs of both high and low blood sugar. (I’ll give you one clue: when her blood sugar is high, she is a bit grouchy! ;-) ).

My daughter isn’t perfect. She was raised by a mother who isn’t perfect, either. She has lost a couple fathers in her life, too. I am hoping and praying she never experiences the pain of her own divorce!

Please be the spiritual leader of your family. Take my daughter (and my grandchildren, when/if they come along) to church each week. Pray with my daughter each day. Lead your family in daily family worship/devotional time.

Please, take my word for it: Communication is key to your marriage! Take time to have meaningful conversations with my daughter. Take time to really listen when she talks to you, too. “Be kind in speech and gentle in action, giving up your own wishes. Watch well your words, for they have a powerful influence for good or for ill. Allow no sharpness to come into your voices. Bring into your united life the fragrance of Christlikeness.” (Adventist Home, page 107)

Mrs. White further counseled: “In your life union your affections are to be tributary to each other’s happiness. Each is to minister to the happiness of the other. This is the will of God concerning you. But while you are to blend as one, neither of you is to lose his or her individuality in the other. God is the owner of your individuality. Of Him you are to ask: What is right? What is wrong? How may I best fulfill the purpose of my creation?” (Adventist Home, page 103)

Encourage her to keep her individuality, to better herself, to continue learning and growing each day. Encourage her to seek and improve her talents. And don’t neglect to seek and improve your own talents! I know God has given you both several.

By the way, I hope you enjoy cooking, because she doesn’t really. Baking, yes. ;-) I’ve done my best to teach her to cook, and other homemaking skills. Maybe by the time she becomes your wife, she will actually enjoy cooking a bit.

In closing, I’d like to admonish you to love my daughter, cherish her: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” Ephesians 5:25-28, KJV.

“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Colossians 3:19, KJV.

Because I have done my best to teach her: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18, KJV. And “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Ephesians 5:22-24, KJV.

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Ephesians 5:33, KJV. The New Century Version says it this way: “But each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and a wife must respect her husband.”

Love her, show her you love her, and I know you will earn her respect. I know one method she likes to show her love for others is by giving small gifts or cards; I believe that is also how she feels loved by others, is when they bless her with small gifts or cards as well.

Son, I want you to know that I have been praying for you from the moment my daughter was born. I pray she will be a blessing to you, and that you will be a blessing to her, as well. Always keep Christ the Center of your home.

I love you; and welcome to the family! <3

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Godly Marriage and Home

Express Love in Words and Deeds

There are many who regard the expression of love as a weakness, and they maintain a reserve that repels others. This spirit checks the current of sympathy. As the social and generous impulses are repressed, they wither, and the heart becomes desolate and cold. We should beware of this error. Love cannot long exist without expression. Let not the heart of one connected with you starve for the want of kindness and sympathy....

Let each give love rather than exact it. Cultivate that which is noblest in yourselves, and be quick to recognize the good qualities in each other. The consciousness of being appreciated is a wonderful stimulus and satisfaction. Sympathy and respect encourage the striving after excellence, and love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims.

The reason there are so many hardhearted men and women in our world is that true affection has been regarded as weakness and has been discouraged and repressed. The better part of the nature of persons of this class was perverted and dwarfed in childhood; and unless rays of divine light can melt away their coldness and hardhearted selfishness, the happiness of such is buried forever. If we would have tender hearts, such as Jesus had when He was upon the earth, and sanctified sympathy, such as the angels have for sinful mortals, we must cultivate the sympathies of childhood, which are simplicity itself. Then we shall be refined, elevated, and directed by heavenly principles.

Too many cares and burdens are brought into our families, and too little of natural simplicity and peace and happiness is cherished. There should be less care for what the outside world will say and more thoughtful attention to the members of the family circle. There should be less display and affectation of worldly politeness, and much more tenderness and love, cheerfulness and Christian courtesy, among the members of the household. Many need to learn how to make home attractive, a place of enjoyment. Thankful hearts and kind looks are more valuable than wealth and luxury, and contentment with simple things will make home happy if love be there.

Wives Submit; Husbands Love

The question is often asked, “Shall a wife have no will of her own?” The Bible plainly states that the husband is the head of the family. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.” If this injunction ended here, we might say that the position of the wife is not an enviable one; it is a very hard and trying position in very many cases, and it would be better were there fewer marriages. Many husbands stop at the words, “Wives, submit yourselves,” but we will read the conclusion of the same injunction, which is. “As it is fit in the Lord.”

God requires that the wife shall keep the fear and glory of God ever before her. Entire submission is to be made only to the Lord Jesus Christ, who has purchased her as His own child by the infinite price of His life. God has given her a conscience, which she cannot violate with impunity. Her individuality cannot be merged into that of her husband, for she is the purchase of Christ. It is a mistake to imagine that with blind devotion she is to do exactly as her husband says in all things, when she knows that in so doing, injury would be worked for her body and her spirit, which have been ransomed from the slavery of Satan. There is One who stands higher than the husband to the wife; it is her Redeemer, and her submission to her husband is to be rendered as God has directed—“as it is fit in the Lord.”

When husbands require the complete subjection of their wives, declaring that women have no voice or will in the family, but must render entire submission, they place their wives in a position contrary to the Scripture. In interpreting the Scripture in this way, they do violence to the design of the marriage institution. This interpretation is made simply that they may exercise arbitrary rule, which is not their prerogative. But we read on, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Why should the husband be bitter against his wife? If the husband has found her erring and full of faults, bitterness of spirit will not remedy the evil.

Wives Subject Only As Husbands Are Subject to Christ

The Lord Jesus has not been correctly represented in His relation to the church by many husbands in their relation to their wives, for they do not keep the way of the Lord. They declare that their wives must be subject to them in everything. But it was not the design of God that the husband should have control, as head of the house, when he himself does not submit to Christ. He must be under the rule of Christ that he may represent the relation of Christ to the church. If he is a coarse, rough, boisterous, egotistical, harsh, and overbearing man, let him never utter the word that the husband is the head of the wife, and that she must submit to him in everything; for he is not the Lord, he is not the husband in the true significance of the term....

Husbands should study the pattern and seek to know what is meant by the symbol presented in Ephesians, the relation Christ sustains to the church. The husband is to be as a Saviour in his family. Will he stand in his noble, God-given manhood, ever seeking to uplift his wife and children? Will he breathe about him a pure, sweet atmosphere? Will he not as assiduously cultivate the love of Jesus, making it an abiding principle in his home, as he will assert his claims to authority?

Let every husband and father study to understand the words of Christ, not in a one-sided manner, merely dwelling upon the subjection of the wife to her husband, but in the light of the cross of Calvary, study as to his own position in the family circle. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.” Jesus gave Himself up to die upon the cross in order that He might cleanse and keep us from all sin and pollution by the influence of the Holy Spirit. ~AH, by E.G. White.

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